The feelings when you lose someone close to you will range from numb, anger, sadness, despair and all the way to helplessness.
But it’s all natural, it’s normal, and everyone is different.
As you know I lost my Grandad a while back, he was suffering from Dementia, so in the end it was a blessing, to watch such an active man being reduced to a shuffling old man, with memory loss was hard. 
And Today is a year since we lost my mum. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of her. She had a tumour on the brain, and it slowly took her from us, to watch her going from being a bubbly and active woman, to the sleeping old woman (she was only 70) who couldn’t remember stuff was difficult to watch, but she was my mum and I know that if it had been me, she wouldn’t have left me to face it on my own. Daily visits to the hospital or care home was hard, it brought up memories of visiting my daughter in hospital, but you do these things for the people you love.
my grandad, this was about 8 months before he passed away, and he was already falling and forgetting things. 
my mum. Such a rock, the center of our family, always on the phone to her daughters or grandchildren, she always had time. 
and my precious daughter. Even after 5 years it hurts. But I can remember her and the good times better than seeing her in hospital struggling to breathe. 
It’s ok to grieve, if you didn’t love them, then you wouldn’t miss and grieve for them. It’s your love that keeps their memories alive, so think of the good times, I use to visit my daughters grave every day, now it’s on my day off and a Sunday, so that’s progress, so I miss them? Yes every day, but my grief for my grandad isn’t as strong as it is for my mum and daughter, in the order of things it should have been my daughter to go last, but it wasn’t. So use the people around you. Phone the Samaritans if it gets too much, write your feelings and thoughts down on a journal. Let the people around you know how your feeling. Don’t keep it bottled up.
If someone reads this and I’d struggling with the loss of a love one, it doesn’t go away, it will never go away, but you manage the pain and the grief, you manage to laugh and smile, you get to the point where you can think of them. It takes time, so give yourself that time.
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