The film begins at the beheading of Anne Boleyn, which turns out to be an erotic daydream that introduces teenage protagonist Kevin, who is having sexual fantasies when he’s supposed to be doing his history homework. Kevin has tried to lose his virginityfor three years. He and his best friend Perry go to a newsagent’s to buy a pornographicmagazine. Like all of Kevin’s previous attempts at sexual exploration, this ends in failure when he sees his father and pretends to fall on the street to hide the magazine.
The boys decide they want to go to Ibiza to become DJs and get “guaranteed sex“, but when Kevin’s parents, Ray and Sheila (James Fleet and Louisa Rix), see his bad school report, they forbid the trip. But later they compromise: the boys can go if they get jobs to pay for it. The boys search fruitlessly for jobs and end up at a house party, where a popular local girl, Sharon, passes out drunk next to Kevin. Perry, seeing the two in bed together the following morning, assumes Kevin has lost his virginity and Kevin lies, saying he had sex with Sharon but gets overheard while leaving the party. In the town centre, an angry Sharon later confronts and humiliates Kevin about this, mocking him and calling him “virgin”.
Kevin arrives home in misery, just in time to sign for the delivery of his dad’s new credit card. He seizes the card and takes it to the bank to steal the plane fare from his dad’s bank account. At the bank, he accidentally foils a bank robbery and the bank manager rewards him and Perry with a large amount of cash which the boys plan to fund the trip. As a reward, Kevin’s parents approve of the trip, as long as they can accompany the boys, much to Kevin’s annoyance.
Once in Ibiza, the boys spot the ‘girls of their dreams’ Candice (Laura Fraser) and Gemma (Tabitha Wady). They also meet arrogant club DJ and record producer Eyeball Paul (Rhys Ifans) (whose nickname derives from his practice of vodka eyeballing). The boys spend the day at the beach and chat with the girls but are unsuccessful in seducing them.
That night, the boys walk down the high street filming the events around them. Kevin films a couple snogging, and they turn out to be Ray and Sheila. Kevin sulks while he and Perry hang out with Ray and Sheila, finally ending up at the club “Amnesia” where they dance the night away–without Candice and Gemma, who were refused entry by the doorman (Paul Whitehouse), who holds a hand-mirror to their faces and comments that they’re “ugly” and “offend [his] mirror.”
The next day the boys go to Paul’s and he makes them clean his house in return for his listening to their tapes. When they leave there, they spot Candice and Gemma, but again their clumsy attempts to woo them end in failure although the girls bond with the boys when realising they know Eyeball Paul and they may be able to get them into the clubs.
The boys wait outside the girl’s hotel for 4 hours while the girls have a makeover, and they are admitted to Amnesia with Kevin and Perry, but yet again the boys “strike out” when they get vomited on by other revellers and they leave, embarassed while the girls later meet two other attractive men in the club. That night, Perry videotapes Ray and Sheila having sex. The next day, Paul listens to the boys’ music as they clean his kitchen. He stumbles across the parents’ sex tape and shows it to everyone. Kevin angrily ends his friendship with Perry when he realized that it was Perry who filmed them. Baz, Paul’s manager and chauffeur driver later persuades Paul to give the video back to the boys.
Kevin spends the rest of the day sulking around alone and becomes dejected when he sees the girls with the two other men from the club. Perry spends the day at the beach where he bumps into the girls and the two men who are revealed to be gay lovers who the girls had befriended. Gemma reveals she is attracted to Perry and Candice admits to liking Kevin. Perry then runs into Eyeball Paul, who says he likes their song and he’ll play it in the club that night. Perry hurries to tell Kevin the good news and the friends reconcile.
That night they and the girls go to the club again in Paul’s limousine. Their track is played, but the boys and Ray and Sheila, who had wanted to visit the club, are embarassed to find that Paul has incorporated the sex tape and the boy’s love messages to the girls into the track in an attempt to humiliate the boys.
Nevertheless, this backfires on Paul when the track becomes an instant club favourite and the entire crowd, including the girls, love the boys and their mix. Paul is unhappy at the boys’ success and turns off the track, which angers the crowd. Paul becomes annoyed and attempts to destroy the boy’s vinyl record but is stopped by Baz. Paul fires Baz who quickly punches and pushes Paul off stage before returning the record to the boys to continue the set and the crowd continue to party.
Kevin and Perry take over as DJs and keep the club dancing through the night. Early the next morning, Kevin and Perry finally have sex with Candice and Gemma respectively, on a beach surrounded by other similarly-involved couples having sex.
In the Epilogue, the girls become the boy’s girlfriends while Kevin and Perry are seen signing copies of their record in a music shop with Baz as their new manager while Kevin’s parents sign copies of their videos about better mid-marriage sexual intimacy.
Sunday started out grey and cold. By the end of the day, we had a little sun.
Did a little painting, a little housework, caught up with family and friends. It’s funny how this has become our new normal, but what I wouldn’t give to catch up in person. Let’s hope it gets sorted soon.